Tips on Handling the Kenyan Police

As a Kenyan youth the police are always a big impediment to our freedom and fun and we therefore must be always ready to encounter them. The Kenyan police tend to be a very unpalatable lot, they are the ultimate of killjoys and have the uncanny ability to just ruin any occasion regardless of its auspiciousness. The Kenya police are like ghosts they just appear at the least expected time, they materialize out of thin air. The Kenyan police are predators, always striking when you are most vulnerable.

This might sound callous but the Truth is that with the Kenyan Police nothing is free, even the bullet that shot you has to be paid for before your body is released. As you see the Police are a nuisance even to the DEAD.

So, what is the point here? It’s very simple; I want to prepare you to deal with this recurrent inconvenience to your life. Preparing for the police could save you a lot of time and money. I don’t want you to be the person being stamped by their boots. I don’t want you to be the man being packed into the back of a sorry mariamu, I don’t want you to be the unfortunate man who ends up in a used body bag heading t city mortuary. This sounds grossly exaggerated but the truth is that a bad police encounter could end up with the inconvenience of being shot and labeled a fleeing fugitive. This might sound callous but the Truth is that with the Kenyan Police nothing is free, even the bullet that shot you has to be paid for before your body is released. As you see the Police are a nuisance even to the DEAD.

So before you end up in unmarked and shallow grave because Majiwa stole some money, here are the few words of advice. You better take this advice before the police decide to use you as a door mat. I have been in a critical police encounter and I can tell you that the only thought in your head during a police beating is “Police Reforms”. The Kenyan Police are quite a lynching as those who have endured could tell you. The first thing in dealing with the police is avoiding them, you need to sharpen your senses, know their routes, If you see a vehicle with 2 headlamps quite close together and a bit raised from the ground, Scatter!! It’s most likely a Land cruiser. The second thing is about groups, If you are in a group of people, its advisable to separate and walk as individuals, nothing attracts Police like a group of youths, they could easily shoot you and say you are a gang.

If they suddenly crawl out the woodwork like roaches and you have no chance to evade them, there is little help for you. The first thing is to identify the type of policemen they are, If they are in blue, then they are regular police and most likely they wont bother you. If they are in Jungle green, then they are administration police and that means trouble, you could either fake death or brave an arrest that could lead to your fleecing and lynching. This might not sound like much but then as I said, the Police are predators, there isn’t much advice you could give to a gazelle about a lion, is there?