Thursday 3 November 2011

My struggles with "Insanity"...


That title sounds awkward, definitely. I am sure you are eager to know what I have come up with this time, obviously. There is no denying that I cut the image of a wild thinker, the intellect of the wilderness, I suppose I am some sort of ‘John the Baptist’. You must imagine I am a pariah, the one who never fits in. Maybe you think I am scatterbrained idiot with no friends, maybe to you I am a gawky boy who girls ignore and I ruminate on my ‘loneliness and bitterness’. Maybe you think am an ape that eats dry leaves and nuts, a talking ape. I don’t know what you think of me, of course assuming that you think about me.

Without doubt, I am unusual. I think about things that many wouldn’t, I say things that I possibly shouldn’t and I do things that many couldn’t. I have always felt different; I have always been on my own path of ostensible solitude. I have always stood out from the rest, sort like a sore thumb. I have always been ‘special’ and noticeably so. I am not being sardonic or condescending, no, not now. I mean that I have always been an outlander. I have always been the ‘odd one out’. I have always been the one who talked too much or the one who said nothing at all. I have always been the awkward one, the one who was always a noisemaker, the one who always attracted unwarranted stares and always the one who made people laugh or got laughed at. Many people try to be different, but I have always wanted to be like everybody else. Many say I am unique but deep down I know it’s just another way of saying you are different, you are an outsider, an alien and “an extraterrestrial”

...Maybe you think am an ape that eats dry leaves and nuts.... I think about things that many wouldn’t, I say things that I possibly shouldn’t and I do things that many couldn’t...

To many people, life is a straight line. To me it’s all spirals, always trying to find my place. I am always the coin among notes, the circle among squares, and the apple among bananas. I always feel as if my bus left, I think I was born in the wrong period and wrong place. I should have been born in the renaissance, maybe I would fit in as a hairless monk, and maybe I would an eccentric philosopher, who knows?

I try so hard to be normal. I try not to be the obvious misfit. I have tried sanity and I always fail. I have tried to be regular and it hasn’t worked. I try thinking straight and I always end up with convoluted thoughts. Sometimes I think my skull is full of intestines, every time I think I feel a tickling sensation… maybe my skull is full of termites, I always feel itchy inside my head, I try scratching I never reach it. Maybe that is God’s plan. I suppose God made me a misfit to demonstrate his cruel humour. I don’t know, I wish I could be like everybody else. If only I could be normal, even if it was just for ONE DAY.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Normal people are a great bore. What i do is just be myself and flaunt it and turns out the people around copy me. What i bet on is you feel alone coz you've not met anyone like you,chill out! we hit 7 billion just the other day and making a ratio of that to the personalities and traits people can have,i'm sure there are more people out there who think you're normal. "A worm in the middle of a sewage plant is prone to believe the whole universe is made of sewage" there's apoint in there somewhere but anyway keep up with the posts :)

Tony said...

Thank God you aren't normal...if you were, I would'nt be reading your unique posts.

imperfectous said...

let's see, different is good. i like different.i have also always felt odd but i look at it positively, i am the gem in the midst of stones.well, celebrate yourself for who you are.personally i do not like uniformity.i do not like being like everyone else.that's your personality and no God didn't do it to show His cruel humor.He is creative....