Is Unity Possible in Kenya?

Kenya has been plagued by recurrent ethnic conflict. Apparently clashes have now become part of our electoral tradition. It’s almost predictable; every election produces the same kind of result, tribal showdowns. Kenya has Kenyans until an election, when the nationality is dissolved and the ethnic cocoon is unveiled. This is just the reality of Kenya, a deeply fragmented society, the question now is why? Why are Kenyans so sensitive to their ethnicity during voting? Why does the nation almost automatically collapse into ethnic segments? What drives this recurrent splintering?

our so called intellectuals try to rationalize the issue of tribalism in Kenya on the basis of Land conflicts, inequitable development, education and a hodgepodge of other reasons. What is the flaw in these hypotheses? It’s simple, these “Intellectual” causes are all based on rationalized problems, but the issue of tribalism in Kenya is not based on rational thought

In recent times and especially after the post election violence there has been an attempt to “intellectualize” the issue of tribalism. The issue of ethnicity has been on the public domain for a few years now and the intellectual community prescribed a number of diagnoses, they all sound sensible but I am of the conviction that they are inherently flawed for one major reason. Unfortunately our so called intellectuals try to rationalize the issue of tribalism in Kenya on the basis of Land conflicts, inequitable development, education and a hodgepodge of other reasons. What is the flaw in these hypotheses? It’s simple, these “Intellectual” causes are all based on rationalized problems, but the issue of tribalism in Kenya is not based on rational thought.

 I do not mean to deflate the substance of the alleged hypotheses but I want to illustrate that these issues are not at play when Kenyans are at the polling booth. It’s an entirely different ballgame at the polls. If the issue of Ethnicity in Kenya is about Land, historical injustices, inequitable development and other so called causes, why then does violence flare up during elections? Why don’t Kenyans fight over these issues during normal times? Why not? Do people only remember that there are issues during polls only? There are very many sidelined communities in Kenya but the conflicts seem to be centered around only three, Kikuyus, Kalenjins and Luos. This does not mean that tribalism only affects these three tribes, but these three tribes are usually at the centre of the most animated conflicts in Kenya.

I know I have not exhaustively expounded on my thoughts but kindly afford me your patience to exhume my case from my mind in subsequent blog posts.

Jeff Koinange’s Secrets.

Jeff Koinange, the Bench, what a show? What a guest? It’s sizzling. I like that guy, I like his originality, his charisma and his charm or whatever you call it. There is no getting away, Jeff is an Alpha male, the kind that got it and they know it.

He is the Centerpiece of K24, his slogan has stuck like a scar, but I think Jeff has secrets. I am sure Jeff uses a lot of energy to talk, a normal person would loose weight talking like Jeff. I mean, look at his enlarged Chin, his exaggerated Jaws; his adaptations. I think Jeff has batteries; I am sure he goes home and plugs his chin to the mains and charges his mouth

I like the way Jeff is dramatic on the Bench, very lively and captivating. He knows what to ask and how to ask it, he is a master when it comes to flattering the guests. He always keeps the guest in the spotlight. He is unique, he is authentic because he is himself, he is Kenya’s equivalent of Jeremy Clarkson, the oaf on top Gear. He is original like Quest of CNN. He is the Centerpiece of K24, his slogan has stuck like a scar, but I think Jeff has secrets. I am sure Jeff uses a lot of energy to talk, a normal person would loose weight talking like Jeff. I mean, look at his enlarged Chin, his exaggerated Jaws; his adaptations. I think Jeff has batteries; I am sure he goes home and plugs his chin to the mains and charges his mouth. Ever noticed that Jeff never drinks the water he serves his guests? If Jeff gets water into his mouth he will electrocute his mouth and that would ruin the interview.

I am sure, this looks like another sorry joke, a pointless article on a lame blog, but you are wrong. All that was just a catch line, the hook to make you read, why do you think it was highlighted on the page? Now here are the real secrets of the Bench. If you have ever watched the Bench and its guests you will realize it has very deeply political undertones, I mean, look at the guests, people like Matsanga, Ruto and other ICC critics and Fugitives. Look at the consistent anti Hague rhetoric, do you ever wonder why? It is simple, the Kenyatta family owns the Kameme group which includes K24, and the People Newspaper, and further still Jeff is a relative of the Kenyatta family. Those are just facts, you make your Verdict.

God does Not Take Bribes

 

It is hard to watch a church sermon on TV without distraction, so many MPESA, ZAP and Bank account numbers. It is like the church is the new landlord demanding rent or a kidnapper demanding Ransom. I reckon that churches collect more money than KRA.

The masses have been fooled, the essence of Selfless giving has been lost, we are now following a flawed paradigm of prosperity without effort. We have now bought into the lie that God is a stockbroker, The almighty God achieves his goals without our help, God does not need our money. What God gives he gives freely and what he takes he takes rightfully.

I know churches need money, to spread the gospel, to take care of orphans and widows. That is noble and respectable, so what am I ranting about? The problem is simple, the church has become an investment bank. The church now seduces people to “give” with the promise that the Lord God almighty will repay them abundantly, This is no longer willing giving but Investing. The church perverts the gospel to appeal to the more basal instincts of Man, the church appeals to greed not kindness, the church propagates materialism and not virtue. It is all Over, Cathay Kiuna seductively professing God will fight your battles if You plant a seed. The church has now been incorporated, welcome to the corporate church where pastors are adorned with Swanky offices, live in palatial homes and drive stately vehicles all in the name of reward. Today the church is all about status rather than humility, Blessings are now valued in currencies. God is now an ATM machine, Jesus rode a donkey but Maina Ng’ang’a rides a Range Rover. I have nothing against wealth, but faith is a respectable ideal, Humility is an attractive virtue and Giving is a noble deed.

The church as Jesus would say has lost his saltiness. The church has perverted the image of the Lord God almighty, The church is selling the almighty God as an Investment and as an accountant I would tell you God is not a good investment, not because God is bad but because God has bad agents, the Church. The church is an unfaithful bride. The masses have been fooled, the essence of Selfless giving has been lost, we are now following a flawed paradigm of prosperity without effort. We have now bought into the lie that God is a stockbroker, The almighty God achieves his goals without our help, God does not need our money. What God gives he gives freely and what he takes he takes rightfully.

God is not a policeman, God is not on a street somewhere vending blessings. God is not about Money, he is about giving. God is about virtue, Love, Kindness, God wants to be selfless, altruistic and when we dissociate ourselves from our Canal greed and selfishness then we shall have Wealth and wealth shall be our servant rather than our masters, that is the world I wish for, but until then, It’s a dogs world.

Wanted Men- William Ruto.

Every time I see William Ruto I think of an Alejandro, a character in a Mexican soap, You see Ruto just like Alejandro is a charming man who is emotionally hurt and there is nothing more attractive to the ladies than a hunk in distress. You see Ruto is like Alejandro, very well spoken, the kind of man who says Ole when you greet them, the kind of man who has a well kept beard and a charming smile. Just like Alejandro, Ruto is ambitious and Betrayed, yes betrayed, Ruto’s life is a drama but unlike Alejandro, he can’t get off the set, he cant even take a break and that’s a bit sad. I started this well, didn’t I? I wont ruin it by talking about the ICC.

I handle Ruto like Hot coals, he is the kind of man you need but also fear, He needs an exorcist, his closet has too many ghosts...Ruto is like the Girlfriend you love who could have been a lesbian in the past, she looks fine now but you are always suspicious she could.. you know what.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that Ruto needs sympathy, Ruto is a big boy, he can handle himself. I nevertheless must confess, I am a bit won over by William Ruto. I admire his ambition because am also ambitious, I am captivated by his intelligence and I respect his dedication. Initially I was weary of Ruto, I saw him as a protraction of the Moi era, but I have seen he is a bit different, he is a man of action, a man of charisma and a man of courage. He has learnt his lessons well.

William has distinguished himself in the service of the people, he did marvelous at the Ministry of Agriculture and his stint at higher education was very encouraging. Unfortunately Ruto ruffled some dirty feathers and he therefore had to be disposed. Ruto has done something, he has shown us the hidden side of Odinga. Until recently I thought of Raila as the symbol of change and reform, the final cog in the wheel of change we have so unsuccessfully spun, but now I have seen a crack in his coat. Raila is just like Moi, ODM is not a party, its just a body organ of Raila Odinga, Ruto has proven to be vestigial and for that reason he has been amputated.

Nevertheless, I handle Ruto like Hot coals, he is the kind of man you need but also fear, He needs an exorcist, his closet has too many ghosts and that is what Ruins it. You aren’t sure what is in his closet and because of that you are weary. Ruto is like the Girlfriend you love who could have been a lesbian in the past, she looks fine now but you are always suspicious she could.. you know what.

Wake the Model

 

Finally Wako is gone, and we wont miss him. Wako has been a major impediment to the course of reforms in the country. He has consistently set stumbling blocks to the path of justice and reforms. Wako has been the biggest and longest running joke in the history of Kenya.

Wako is a retail fishmonger, always fries the small fish but preserves the big ones, Its time Kenyans ate some big fish.

The first problem with Amos wako is that he thought the state Law office was a dating agency. You see the problem with Wako is that he was always preoccupied with pleasing the administration, I mean, Wako was a submissive wife to the administration, he was always smiling, he was always defending his spouse even when it made him look like a fool, and worst of all he had disregarded every form of intergrity and his handling of many cases has left a lot of questions.

Talking about cases, a few years ago Cholmondley the Land baron from the cursed lineage of the Delameres found a gun and decided to go hunting. Unfortunately, he never found any animals, so he thought that a young Maasai man could use a bullet, so gracefully he shot him. Unfortunately Cholmondley never got the bill for that because Wako dismissed the case, citing lack of evidence. When did Wako become a court to decide cases? Sadly, Wako has perennially abused his constitutional powers to protect big politicians from legal accountability. He is the reason no big corruption case has ever been prosecuted in Kenya. He is the reason human rights abusers are still free in this country. Wako is a retail fishmonger, always fries the small fish but preserves the big ones, Its time Kenyans ate some big fish.

Sadly, Wako is a man in denial, I don’t know what drugs he is taking but he believes he is a reformer. What a shame? You know what? It doesn’t matter, he is gone. Maybe he tells himself that he is a reformer to get sleep at night...